You Know You’re at an LA Oscar Party When…

Did you know that something called “Oscar Traffic” exists in Hollywood?

It’s something to be avoided at all costs, I might mention.

I spent my first Oscar Night in Los Angeles in the company of some great friends, many of who also happen to be collaborating with me on my SAG New Media webseries [we got the green light a few weeks ago…finally!].

And let me tell you, LA Oscar parties ain’t your Grandma’s Oscar parties (unless your Grandma is Helen Mirren or Judi Dench–in which case, I retract my statement and would really like an invite to that party next year).

Here is the recipe for an absolutely amazing LA Academy Award showing hosted in the city where it all happens:

Step 1: Pre-game. And by “pre-game” I mean formulate an algorithm that each of your guests fills out according to who they think will win each Oscar. Each participant must submit their ballot prior to arriving or risk disqualification from the operation. Optional “guest” participants should also be included at this time (cough, cough, Nate Silver).

Step 2: Have everybody choose one food/beverage item to bring for a potluck because everyone will be too busy researching their ballot choices to spend too much time on brining more than one item. Some people do go above and beyond and bring two items (moi, I had the rum and the wine covered because I am a classy lady).

Step 3: When arriving at the designated house for viewing, walk through the door and remark: “MAN! I can’t believe Highland was backed up all the way to Santa Monica” or “UGH,  Hollywood BLVD is a cluster-of-evil at the moment–I had to take an alternate route”.

Step 4: No one comment on the actual outfits worn by any of the celebrities. Instead, take the time to recall past accolades of all the nominees. Guest 1 will fondly remember the time they collaborated with the Director of “So and So” on a project and Guest 2 will bring up the fact that they were a featured extra on “This and That” with the Nominee favored to win that category. This is Hollywood, after all, and there are truly only 6 degrees of separation from one project to the next.

Step 5: Feel the personal triumph when your pick for each category graces the stage for their acceptance speeches. Or, if you’re really bad at guessing (moi) wallow in self-pity because most of your picks were incorrect. Then, glow with the fire of a thousand suns when Jennifer Lawrence wins “Best Actress” because her elegant fall up the stairs made her even more endearing than she was before. Can’t wait to be her best friend (IT WILL HAPPEN.).

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Click to check out the AWESOME buzzfeed article on my Future Biffle’s elegant trip.

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