The Assistant’s Lament

Y’all, I’ve got so much to get my Faithful Readers caught up on that my head is spinning out of control just pondering it.

Hawaii, Webseries Shoots, Photo Doubling, Disneyland, the extended shower I had this morning.

Where do I start?

Oh yea, how about with how life really stinks right now.

By “right now” I mean in this moment, not really in general, because something I overheard in a coffee shop today really got me feeling kind of low.

Girl #1: What do you do?
Girl #2: I’m a writer.
Girl #1: Oh, cool!
Girl #2: Well…Right now I’m an assistant, but I want to be a writer.

To the casual observer (read: eavesdropper), this tiny bite of a larger conversation could mean nothing. Two girls just getting acquainted, chattin’ it up.

To someone who is coming up on her 10 month-aversery with Tinseltown, it’s nothing short of depressing. Mostly because I am in that exact situation and I can’t help feeling like I’m floundering.

I realize that I’m really lucky to be a Hollywood Personal Assistant and I am even luckier to have a boss that isn’t a total psycho. She understands that I’m here in LA to pursue acting and my schedule is such that it’s flexible to do so.

But what the heck is the use of having a flexible schedule if I have no auditions to go on? If my actual paid acting gigs are extremely few and far between? If I can’t get a serious agent meeting?!

Being someone’s assistant, helping them to pursue their personal and professional goals while putting yours on the back burner, is daunting. Seeing people around you make strides that you have yet to achieve is like having someone put salt in an open wound…or salt on an unsuspecting slug (same effect).

I don’t want to get angsty on you, but I’m feeling like the protagonist in a cheaply written teen novel. Except here, I don’t have a love interest, just a professional goal that happens to be classified under “astronomical”.

If there was a career oriented Bella Swan, I’d be her, grunting at the camera and cowering under my own awkwardness.

I feel like I’ve been treading the waters of the Pacific Ocean for hours and am nowhere nearer the shore of the soundstage than when I started. How do I get there and which path do I take?!

Which way did he go? | Photo Credit: Yours Truly

Which way did he go? | Photo Credit: Yours Truly


Stop right there, missy.

You made the move less than a year ago. Since then, you’ve worked on multiple sets for both network and cable shows (no role too small, remember).

[Pause: Am I really directly addressing myself in my own blog? Yes, yes I am.]

You’ve met lots of people in the industry, networked (even if just a tiny bit), and established a steady support system for yourself. When you do get the opportunity to get out there and audition, you won’t have to worry about how you’ll pay the rent in between gigs or where your next meal will come from.

You’ll be set. You’ll be ready.

So calm the heck down, Bella.

[Note to self: please stop comparing yourself to Bella or anything related to K-Stew. I’m sure she’s lovely, but…ew.]

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4 thoughts on “The Assistant’s Lament

  1. This also made me think about how it takes 4 YEARS to graduate high school and 4 years for college (and even then this can be considered a feat!) — so give yourself a break, lady! If you had spent the last 10 months sitting on your couch in Ghent and thinking about maybe wanting to make a change, you could possibly start beating yourself up. But you moved your butt to the other side of the COUNTRY and started from SCRATCH to pursue a HUGE dream (are the caps getting my emphasis across?). You drive to achieve your goals will keep you motivated to keep pursuing your goals but DO NOT let that crazy nagging anxious/perfectionist voice get you down, not even a little bit. You are amazing and you are doing amazing things. Seriously Angela, how many people do you know that have actually taken a chance and followed all of the sage advice and pinterest memes to pursue their dreams/take a chance/do what you love/etc etc etc … Because I literally only know one person and it’s you girlfriend, just you.

    • Ugh. I might blame “Aunt Flow” but I’m definitely crying on my couch reading your comment. And for those of you that don’t know me personally “Angela” is an alias because I have the face of an angel…or something like that 😛

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