Spoiler-Free Thoughts on “American Hustle”

Well…as spoiler free as possible.

  • This movie is really long…maybe too long. Be prepared.
  • Holy crap, Louis C.K. is in this? Semi-reprising his role as Officer Dave Sanderson, the cop in “Parks and Rec”, but this time working for the F.B.I.
  • Yes, there is a crazy cat lady featured in this film. Thank you, Hollywood, for finally giving some representation to this very real type of woman (and some men, too).
  • They got Amy Adams looking reeeealll haggard in a scene or two–THANK YOU for that. I’m tired of seeing her always looking angelic. That and the copious amounts of side-boob, an especially hilarious pee-ing scene, and some other speckles of nudity put her solidly in the running for that Oscar she’s gunnin’ for.
  • Bradley Cooper in perm-hair-rollers  is surprisingly NOT AT ALL HOT.
  • Robert De Niro without hair is surprisingly hot (jk/lol).
  • SO MUCH CHEST HAIR. The 70’s were apparently a furry, furry decade.
  • There are black people in this–no, they don’t have speaking roles (well, a secretary with one line), but at least they’re still featured (and not as homeless/druggies) in a NY/NJ based movie–unlike the first season of GIRLS. I’m not saying we need to force diversity into every story, but when you’re in a major metropolis such as The Big Apple/New Jersey…
  • Shows of fidelity are best symbolized by the passing of a kitchen appliance from one friend to another.
  • J-Law is real cute in this movie, she’s also kind of gross and a little creepy (which just makes her more endearing)–she needs some accent work, though. Kind of love that she doesn’t take her clothes off when this role could have clearly called for it (sorry, that was a spoiler).
  • Elton John–“Yellow Brick Road”.
  • This movie is way too freaking long.
  • Everybody in this movie is a hypocrite–I think that’s the point.
  • Louis C.K. is awesome in this–can he get a “Best Supporting” nom, please?
  • “You’re too beautiful to be unhappy”. HAHAHAHA.
  • Christian Bale is aiight. The beer belly becomes him.
  • Am I still watching this? It’s been over 2 hours. How has my limited attention span allowed for this?
  • Cold Cut King of Long Island.
  • Anti-climactic ending.




2 thoughts on “Spoiler-Free Thoughts on “American Hustle”

  1. Agree with every one of your points, especially about the length of the movie. And Bradley Cooper in curlers. But I’ll never again refer to that thing in my kitchen as anything but the science oven.

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