GO HOME, APP, YOU’RE DRUNK.

The last few days have been absolute shit. I won’t elaborate, because I’m working on making it better, and this is a pity party of one–you dodged a bullet by not being invited.

If you want to hear a sob story, go watch Titanic because Jack TOTALLY COULD HAVE FIT ON THAT RAFT if Rose had been more committed to their relationship.

But for now, just know that on Sunday, the Lord’s Day, I did a little therapeutic drinking. Safely, mind you. Addison Shepherd from Grey’s Anatomy knows how I feel:

drinking-drunk-greys-anatomy-kate-walsh-Favim.com-2789837.jpg

And the full quote for your reading pleasure, because it fits this whole weekend like a glove:

preview.png

 

ANYWHO, my friend Caroline recommended an app that makes it easier to be lazy and have access to alcoholic beverages and SNACKS. The most important part of that equation is easily SNACKS.

SAUCEY is an app that’s tag line is: Alcohol delivered in under an hour–so you know I got right on board that train. Because I’m lazy as hell and that’s really freaking convenient.

I was a little skeptical considering that the Puritanical alcohol laws in the US make it a little difficult for people OF AGE to buy alcohol in many states (though, Los Angeles isn’t that strenuous–they sell hard liquor in the grocery store!). But I downloaded the free app and started scrolling through my options:

SPOILER ALERT–there are MANY.

I almost had a panic attack deciding just how I was going to sink into a drunken oblivion because there was an alcoholic avalanche of dang options!  Decisions are what got me into this depressive mess, I failed to see how MORE decisions would get me out of it.

Wine was out because that’s how I spent Friday night dinner and Saturday brunch. I needed a break from the grapes.

I’m trying to stop drinking alcohol that tastes like it was distilled in a vat of sugar and/or honey, so I decided it was a whiskey kind of weekend and I know the Irish know the business of drinking professionally so Jameson it was.

Onto snacks–Brie. DONE. Crackers. DONE. GUMMY BEARS?! Actually, Gummy “Cola”. But DONE AND DONE.

image3.PNG

image2.PNG

Click, click, click into my cart with a referral promo for $10 off and free delivery since it was over $35 and I was set and ready to wait an hour for my purchases.

BUT it’s not delivery IN an hour, it’s delivery UNDER an hour and 20 minutes later, my sweet reward was on my doorstep.

I KID YOU NOT.

My delivery guy took my driver’s license and scanned the bar-code on the back and that was it.

image1-1.JPG

My 20lb bag of ice didn’t make it into the photo and I realized, while typing this, that my limes were never delivered. But I obviously didn’t miss them and customer service responded quickly and let me know I wasn’t charged.

I had a great afternoon drinking with a friend and watching my first episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race (and the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th episode because MY is that show addicting).

A day well spent.

But today is for picking up the pieces of the life I’ve watched get away from me and for making the most out of the cards I’ve been dealt–and maybe even taking the time to cheat the dealer. Maybe I’ll booze him up first.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “GO HOME, APP, YOU’RE DRUNK.

  1. Pingback: A Random Smattering of Online Dating Messages | Short and Feisty

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s