Oh, my LANTA. I can’t believe it’s been 27 years since my eyes first beheld the harsh lights of the hospital delivery room. I came out screaming and yellow, since I happened to have jaundice. I spent plenty of time in a tiny little incubator to “get things moving” and that’s the last time I spent anytime in something resembling a tanning bed.
This is the first birthday where I actually feel “old”– I can’t really explain it, but I no longer feel like the spring chicken I always thought I was. Yes, I will look back at this blog in 50 years, using the wifi connected micro chip imbedded in my skull, and laugh at the thought of considering 27 to be a geriatric age. But–man–I’m at an introspective time of my life where I look back on all that’s passed and think, “Back Then was a long time ago.”
I miss the days of going to Taco Bell with my best friends before Girl Scout meetings, of the elation I felt on the first days of elementary school, and I miss the feeling of invincibility that tiny little Short and Feisty used to radiate. From my teenie tiny stature, I could be anything I wanted to be and do anything I wanted–I just had to grow up a little more, learn a little more, and wait for the future to come to me.
Now, to be honest, all I feel are limits.
I hate to Debbie Downer my own birthday, but I’ve always been a realist. I’m feeling the limits of my spinster hood (no joint finances, no kids, no house with a washer/dryer in unit–I want the washer and dryer more than the rest, no shame felt), I’m feeling the limits of Hollywood (knocking on your door, suckas, won’t you consider opening a crack?), and I feel the limits of my sanity working this Nanny Day job with children trying to test me at every moment. BUT–
and that’s a BIG BUT—
along with these limits, I’ve been able to see a tiny stream of light symbolizing what could be if I tried a little harder, waited a little longer, and stopped watching so much damn Netflix!
So here are some random positive epiphanies that I couldn’t have come to at 26 that I am now experiencing at 27:
- Though lacking a nuclear family for which I am the
boss/dictator/queenhead of household, I am abundantly wealthy in family, friends, and friends that are family. I’ve got a ton of tiny babies to send love to, from a distance (unfortunately), and friends who patiently counsel me through some really difficult moments. I’ve got more true friends than I can count on two hands and two feet!
- I’m still in LA–one of the toughest parts about breaking into the entertainment industry is learning how to survive in NYC and LA: two of the most expensive places to live in the US. But my former full-time work schedule allowed me to save up enough and find a job that allows me to cut back on hours and actually write more. It also puts me in a position to audition more if I ever strike gold twice and find another elusive agent.
- I’ve stopped actively looking for Mr. Right. If that bastard wants to show up within the next decade, great. After that, all bets are off because I’m becoming a COUGAR.
- My anxiety levels have plummeted since quitting my celebrity nanny job–I’ve learned that I’m definitely not suited to working underneath a “type A” Nanny Mom Boss. I know too much about children to be micromanaged! As a result, my quality of life has skyrocketed.
- In the last year, I paid off both my student loans and credit card debt–in full. With the exception of my car loan (a big exception!) I’m living debt free and it’s incredibly freeing.
- I’ve been researching several lifestyle changing opportunities that I could pursue while also pursuing acting/writing. I’m not at a place where I feel I can share them with the world, but I’ve told a few friends and family and have largely gotten support. I’m excited about the possibility of them, and I desperately need to have life goals separate from Hollywood.
- I ran two half marathons last year–HOLY CRAP I RAN TWO HALF MARATHONS IN THE LAST YEAR.
- I’m alive. I’m breathing. My body is (mostly) fully functioning. If that isn’t potential for greatness, I don’t know what is.