On Being Scared Sh*tless

There isn’t a lot that gets me shaking in my boots. I’ve got some amazing confidence and self-esteem (that I suspect, unfortunately, presents as arrogance sometimes) and I like to think of myself as being fairly brave.

Backpack in Europe alone? Check.

Move across country? Check.

Drink milk a day after its sell by date? Hell no.

But you get the idea.

However, when there’s uncertainty or even a hint of feeling out of control, I lose it.


It’s about to get real uncertain up in this piece.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching and re-watching my all-time favorite movie: “You’ve Got Mail.” I can feel you judging me for loving a Norah Ephron film, but I’m not ashamed. One of my favorite quotes from Meg Ryan’s character Kathleen Kelly, a small business owner, is dripping with existentialism and is something I ask myself about every six months:

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

Earlier this month, I asked myself my own version of this question on the blog with a little more vagueness than I usually allow myself to type. I was in the throes of deciding whether or not I’d be brave enough to leave my cushy nanny job and go back to piecing together several paychecks in order to have the flexibility I need to pursue acting and writing in LA.

And then I remembered that I came out here for a reason, and it wasn’t to wipe tiny tushies and noses. It wasn’t to walk to and from playdates, and it certainly wasn’t to dedicate my time and energy to helping someone else achieve the exact same goals that I moved out here to achieve.

I moved Out West in 2012, but finances had me “off ramp” in 2013 to full-time employment and I’m (weirdly) thankful it happened. In the last 1.5 years, I’ve paid off my credit card debt, smashed through a majority of my student loans, and completed several outstanding courses in improv and sketch writing (which I wouldn’t have been able to afford, otherwise). I’m not at all rich, and I’m certain I’ll have bills to pay for the rest of my life (duh) but I’ve also learned that–

there will never be a “perfect” time to start living the life I want.

There will always be a logical reason to hold myself back, to not take risks, to not make myself available for something truly magnificent to happen. There will always be someone good-heartedly acting as “The Voice of Reason” trying to get me to see that I should play it safe forever.

I’ve come to the decision that, barring homelessness, those deterrents aren’t good enough to side-line me anymore.

It’s time to make moves.

Bring it, 2015.

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Spoiler-Free Thoughts on “American Hustle”

Well…as spoiler free as possible.

  • This movie is really long…maybe too long. Be prepared.
  • Holy crap, Louis C.K. is in this? Semi-reprising his role as Officer Dave Sanderson, the cop in “Parks and Rec”, but this time working for the F.B.I.
  • Yes, there is a crazy cat lady featured in this film. Thank you, Hollywood, for finally giving some representation to this very real type of woman (and some men, too).
  • They got Amy Adams looking reeeealll haggard in a scene or two–THANK YOU for that. I’m tired of seeing her always looking angelic. That and the copious amounts of side-boob, an especially hilarious pee-ing scene, and some other speckles of nudity put her solidly in the running for that Oscar she’s gunnin’ for.
  • Bradley Cooper in perm-hair-rollers  is surprisingly NOT AT ALL HOT.
  • Robert De Niro without hair is surprisingly hot (jk/lol).
  • SO MUCH CHEST HAIR. The 70’s were apparently a furry, furry decade.
  • There are black people in this–no, they don’t have speaking roles (well, a secretary with one line), but at least they’re still featured (and not as homeless/druggies) in a NY/NJ based movie–unlike the first season of GIRLS. I’m not saying we need to force diversity into every story, but when you’re in a major metropolis such as The Big Apple/New Jersey…
  • Shows of fidelity are best symbolized by the passing of a kitchen appliance from one friend to another.
  • J-Law is real cute in this movie, she’s also kind of gross and a little creepy (which just makes her more endearing)–she needs some accent work, though. Kind of love that she doesn’t take her clothes off when this role could have clearly called for it (sorry, that was a spoiler).
  • Elton John–“Yellow Brick Road”.
  • This movie is way too freaking long.
  • Everybody in this movie is a hypocrite–I think that’s the point.
  • Louis C.K. is awesome in this–can he get a “Best Supporting” nom, please?
  • “You’re too beautiful to be unhappy”. HAHAHAHA.
  • Christian Bale is aiight. The beer belly becomes him.
  • Am I still watching this? It’s been over 2 hours. How has my limited attention span allowed for this?
  • Cold Cut King of Long Island.
  • Anti-climactic ending.



Well, That’s Unfortunate

You know how, in the book (by Roald Dahl) turned movie James and the Giant Peach, James rescues a spider from his cruel aunts which pays off later when the spider swears unflinching loyalty to him in times of disaster (i.e. sharks, pirates, etc.)?

From this morning’s events with a spider in my bathtub, should I be sent on a whirlwind fantasy adventure, I would be a goner.

If that first run-on sentence doesn’t kill me first #EnglishMajorStruggs

I will never have this relationship | Photo Credit: Comicvine.com

I will never have this relationship | Photo Credit: Comicvine.com