Strange Encounters LA: Korean Granny Mafia

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You may remember my previous Strange LA Encounter I had just a few weeks ago.

If you don’t, I think it’s worth the read to freshen your memory. Of course, I’m biased; however, it’s not because I get more money with higher readership––it’s because I have an ego with a big appetite.

FEED IT NOW.

Now that you’ve gotten back up to speed, you’ll recall that all of that action took place inside of my neighborhood Starbucks.

I’ve been abstaining from the monopolistic chain’s coffee confections because I’m training for a half-marathon and drinking my daily caloric intake in one foul swoop isn’t a good idea.

Today though, I decided to relent as a reward for dragging myself out of last weekend’s rut.

And, surprisingly, that prime table I mentioned last time? OPEN.

In fact, it was the only table open.

Cha-CHING!” I thought to myself (even though no monetary transactions were involved in securing said table).

I placed my books on the table to reserve my seat, bought my coffee (an unfamiliar flavor that I went out on a limb to try–vanilla spiced latte–definitely not my favorite), and returned to my table for my *Unpacking Ritual.

*see previous post for details

About 10 minutes into my stay, a well dressed, petite, old-ish, Korean lady stood looking down at me.

“Somebody sitting here?” she pointed to the chair across from me.

Before I can respond, she’s already pulled out the chair and made herself comfortable.

“Oh…no” I needlessly replied.

I continued to hyper-focus on the computer in front of me, to send the unspoken signal that HEY! I am a very busy woman don’t bother me. 

I thought my signal was clear, but apparently, it wasn’t clear enough.

She rummaged through her designer handbag and brought out a stack of pamphlets.

“You read later?” more of a command than a question as she slides one beside my laptop.

In big bold letters I can see the words “JESUS CHRIST” and I know I’ve just been ambushed by someone looking to save my soul from the eternal fires of hell.

“Um,” I responded awkwardly without moving nearer to it, “no thank you.”

I was raised as a Roman Catholic but haven’t been on the Christian bandwagon for a while now. The reasons are personal, numerous, and won’t fit in this blog post, but I will say that I don’t agree with “recruiting religions”. I think people should seek it out rather than have it forced onto them–but, to each his own.

Plus, I just wanted to drink my coffee.

She gave me a stern look as if I hadn’t fully understood that she was selflessly offering my soul a chance at redemption. She slowly withdrew her pamphlet. I looked down at my computer and continued to type a fake email.

Rude? Maybe.

Regrets? No.

As she sat in stony silence, I looked around and realized that there were two other Korean women, same description as my seat mate, all with dozens of pamphlets in their hands attempting to engage other uninterested customers in their messianic message.

It didn’t look like any of the others were successful, either.

One stood up and walked staright out of the store. As if in response, the other two abruptly stand and exit in silence.

What. Just. Happened?

I obviously just got cornered by the Korean Christ Mafia and didn’t even know it until it was over.

STEALTHY. 

Google Image result for "Korean Granny". Totally fits, though.

Google Image result for “Korean Granny”. Totally fits, though.

Strange Encounters LA: Starbucks Bathroom Brawl

I think everyone can agree that mental healthcare in this country, heck this WORLD, isn’t where it really should be. We can rightfully assume this is because mental health hasn’t been at the forefront of American concerns over the last 100 years. It’s only now starting to morph into it’s own cause with more research, awareness, and understanding.

The following post isn’t at all meant to be incendiary; that being said, I’m going to approach this with humor (shocker) in the hopes that my readers will chill the freak out and not badger me with claims of insensitivity.

It all started when I walked into one of my two neighborhood Starbucks Coffeehouses (both are always packed, not unsurprisingly). This one is at the corner of a very well-known intersection and usually has a line stretching to the door at any given hour of the day. Its location may be ideal for some, but I personally despise it. It’s statistically impossible for me to secure a table most times I go–since I work from home often, it’s easier to focus in public without Netflix nagging me (I purposefully leave my headphones at home).

This morning, though, I walked in to one of the most beautiful sights to appear before my eyes in what could be my entire life.

HYPERBOLE!

Shining forth in the glinting sunbeams of our Solar System’s own star was a table situated in front of a gloriously large window with an electrical outlet right beside it.

An ELECTRICAL OUTLET, PEOPLE.

Do you know how prime a table like this is?! You’re more likely to successfully fish a needle out of a 50 foot haystack. While wearing a blindfold. In the snow.

Naturally, I screamed loud enough to rattle the windows and attracted more than a couple of stares from other patrons (just kidding, no screaming, at least not audibly).

I placed a book on the table to reserve my spot, ordered my white mocha and pumpkin bread, and returned to my table where I took a good ten minutes to unpack my gear and settle into what I thought would be my home for the next few hours. This ritual is not unlike that of a dog circling it’s bed 1000 times to make sure it’s just right before they plop down and begin to drool in a happy slumber.

I enabled the internet connection and had just started to respond to some pressing emails (like my subscription to mommy blogs, LEGO rewards points, etc) when she walked in.

Mussed hair, angry expression, 3 coats including a very large parka, and 4 different bags including one on wheels. She was either about to set sail on a cruise to the Arctic, or she was homeless.

She pushed her way through the crowded store and into the bathroom. Did I mention that my table was the one closest to the Whizz Palace (thank you, Leslie Knope, for that endearing moniker for the toilet room).

She brushed past me on her way in, whacking me with her coat, which I ignored because it was probably a mistake. Right?

Not 5 seconds later, I jump out of my skin when I hear this woman absolutely lambasting someone in the restroom.

That’s rude, I thought. She probably doesn’t even know the other person in there.

And then…I realized it wasn’t that kind of bathroom.

photo-8

This was a “one person at a time” bathroom and unless she had someone hiding in that suitcase, she was yelling at herself. Loudly.

At such a volume that everyone in the store began staring at each other with a look of “well this is AWKWARD” plastered all over their faces. Eventually, the people nearest the commotion settled their eyes on me as I was the one closest to the door.

Here’s where my life froze for 10 seconds. On the one hand, she could just be an unstable lady that yells at herself and causes no harm to anyone. On the flip-side, she could be an unstable serial killer, pumping herself up in the mirror to kill everyone enjoying a hot beverage in the waiting area with yours truly being the first one to knock off.

“Stop it,” my brain commanded, “she’s not going to kill you. Or is she?!”

I got up, calmly walked over to the baristas and let them know, “Hey, there’s some lady in the bathroom that doesn’t seem to be ‘all there’ yelling at herself.”

“Oh goodness,” a particularly mellow baristo (is that the male form of that position?) casually said while the girl standing next to him followed me back to the bathroom. She put her ear to the door to confirm that the lady was indeed inside and was almost blasted backward with the force of the noise from the woman holding herself captive in the bathroom. She knocked (not sure that was the best move) and received nothing in response.

“Well, we called the cops” came the Mellow Man, and each of them walked back to do their jobs. He paused for a moment, looking at me from over his shoulder and said, “you might want to move, just in case she comes out.”

It took me about 5 seconds to move all of my junk and settle into a table on the far side of the room–no ritual this time.

5 minutes later, the cops still weren’t there and the woman walked out of the bathroom, muttering loudly, and made her way to the bus stop. She boarded a bus without paying some 10 minutes later. I’m not sure if the authorities were called off, but they never did show up.

In retrospect it was kind of funny that I ran the entire gamut of emotions in that 15 minutes that woman was in the store. In the moment, though, I was genuinely afraid for my life as were the other people in the store (judging by some of the looks on their faces).

Why is this woman wandering Los Angeles by herself? Where is her family, and what can be done to help her?

I think the sad answer is ‘nothing’ which kind of put a damper to the Holiday music streaming from the speakers.

Just another reminder to be thankful for everything I have–most especially my friends, family, and sanity.